| Physical deprivation. I think I see my animal spirit. |
[07 Sep 2005|12:06am] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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Pink Floyd |
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I thought I'd write something since I'm here, but I already drew a blank.
.....And when they were done, they feasted upon the corpse in the garden.....
You know, I scare even myself sometimes.
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| Nobody writes in these things anyways. Especially me |
[30 Aug 2005|01:34am] |
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mood |
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 Hummmmm.... |
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music |
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Da Da Da-da-da-da Da Da Da Da... |
] |
Boredom's got a vice on my head. Can't call nobody this late. Nearly forgot my info to sign in to this loser journal. I'm on the verge of pacing. Change is coming. I can feel it like an ill wind. Thing is, It's coming too slow. The suspense is fucking killing me.
I've got so much to do, but I can't do it. The slacker genes in me are too strong. That, and the laziness of summer. What a drab little town. What mediocre inhabitants. Am I destined to share in this miserable existence for eternity? I wish the winds would blow a little faster. My mind needs change before I become a zombie...like them.
I'm not sad, upset, happy, or hopeful. No. I'm past that now. Only the dull hum of boredom, of indecision, is my companion now. I'm a leaf in the wind, but the wind is a weak breeze. As soon as it picks me up, it lets me back down. I'm sick of waiting for the winds to blow. It's time to make my own.
(Luckily, I've had some beans today.)
HA!!!
It's a joke. If you don't find it amusing, well, quite frankly, you have no sense of humour. I'm am seriously bored though.
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| I hate this stupid journal |
[11 Jul 2004|12:20am] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Adam and the ants - Jolly Roger |
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hmm....
Nope. Got nothing to say.
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| I feel empty. |
[23 May 2004|06:17pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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My best friend hurt me more than anyone in this world ever could. She couldn't leave her boyfriend to hang out on my birthday. She's throwing away everything she has, for something she can't. Because of her selfishness, I spent most of my birthday crying. And she had the nerve to let Her boyfriend call me, instead of her, who yelled at me about how I cant punish her because for what he did. Thing is, It wasn't what he did. It was what she did. She had four chances this week to come over. She failed to come at all. Thing is, she doesn't have to spend all her time with him. It was her choice. It showed me how much she really cared when I told Him I wasn't going to deal with her problems through him, and if she wanted to fix things shed have to call herself, and didn't call back. I love her so much, but with her, Im not allowed to have anything. Im just a pet for her to play with when she needs me. Every time I feel like things will be okay, she does somthing that confirms how heartless she is. Everyone told me she wasn't my bestfriend anymore, but I didn't want to belive them. I want to believe she'll change, but she fails me every time. I just wish yesterday could've been spent how I hoped it would. With my bestfriend. When he called me, after I had been crying, It made me even worse. I was so angry that that it wasn't her, and that he turned it around like I was the badguy. I was so sad, and angry. I left to micahs after hours of crying cause i'm fucking pathetic, and micah wasn't there. She showed up about and hour before I left. It was the worst birthday so far. One hour of happyness. With alot of sleep, crying, and getting high so I could ignore what was done to me for just a little while. They were going to throw me a party at home. And we were going to go to the movies. But I couldn't because my friends wouldn't come. Morgaine had to work, but she wished me well, and Michelle could care less. All she was worried about was when I was going to micahs so her boyfriend could stay with her. And her boyfriend is not even allowed there. What would of happened if she had met me there? She would've left when they told chris to go. Why must I be the one who gives everything, including my own happyness, only to get no thanks? She doesn't know what she does to me. She doesn't care enough to understand. She couldn't even give me my birthday. She still never called back. I don't think she even cares. She probly doesnt even see her fault. She probly thinks it was me who did everything wrong. She cant possibly hurt as much as I do right now. I don't know what to do.
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| Uniformed as usual. Invisible to those who call themseves friend. |
[01 Apr 2004|07:49pm] |
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mood |
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rejected |
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music |
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None |
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My friends don't call me cause there all a bunch of losers. Yes. I'm calling you losers. How am I supposed to know whats going on If you don't call. Really, I don't know why I put up with this kind of shit. I can't host a gathering without info. I'm not a trash can. I'm a toll booth. I'm not a faceless helpline operator that is called just to dump problems on. Sure I don't mind helping. It's my reason for being. But I'm sick of running on empty thanks. Who solves my problems? I do. Most often without the aid of my friends, who are unable to give emotional support of their own. Is everyone but me an emotional retard? I'm not putting up with one sided friendships anymore. Does anyone make an attempt at communication with me other than to find out if somebody else is at my house? No. I'll exclude you Micah, because you're scared of leaving your house. (But you could call too you butthead)
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| I have returned!!!! |
[27 Mar 2004|07:33pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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music |
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Adam and the Ants |
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I'm back from my moms. Hooray! But I can't get ahold of any of my friends. I was so bored in Vancouver. We did nothing but watch T.V. Now my breaks almost up, and I'll be in school soon. My rooms a mess. Fucking ingrates trashed it and didn't even have the decency to pick things up. Now I get to spend time cleaning. I just got done yelling at the morons in my house, who by the way, left a bunch of food and pop cans next to the computer. It's not good to come home to this kind of shit. I have to go before I break somthing expensive.
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| Spring break is making me really sleepy |
[21 Mar 2004|08:41pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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Hybrid Rainbow - The pillows |
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It sucks that most of my friends are still in high school or at work when i'm on break. It seems like all I do is sleep, and wait to hang out, and I'm to lazy to go visit people. Or I'm afraid to call them, because I've failed to maintain contact over the months. I need to treat them to food or movies to make up for it. I'm going to my mommy's soon, so I can be bored somewhere else. I've never really got the point of a journal. I'm still not used to it. It's not really my thing, but I'm bored. I'm more into reading into other peoples lives and posting comments. I wish things were more exciting. Then I'd have stuff to do. When I get my check next quarter, It's party time. I need to cheer myself up with some well earned spending(to the happiness of my friends). I think I could use some new shoes. There is nothing left between my feet and the ground. With the state of my clothing, I think people are starting to think I'm homeless. Time to go to the thrift store to spruce up my wardrobe. Hah. I used spruce in a sentence. What the hell compelled me to do that? Anyways. I'm bored with this.
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| blah blah blah |
[19 Mar 2004|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Whatever it is that's stuck in my head. |
] |
Absolutely nothing. Fooled you.
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